How do I deal with a hateful daughter in law
Don't try to mold her into someone you approve of.Nothing suggests passive aggressive behavior more than a mil who disregards the rules.If she wants both kids strapped in the back seat even though you think the older one could be in front, put them both in the back.Stand firm to show her know that she cannot use underhanded tactics to control situations where you are concerned.Accept your son's choice 2.
Definitely don't suck up to her but if she does do something you approve of, tell her.Discourteous or impolite, especially in a deliberate way..It could melt her heart, and she could share her inner thoughts with you.I would 'deal' with her as little as possible.If you are uncomfortable, say so and leave the situation whenever possible.
Talk to her when she is calm.Extend to her the warmth and love that you would give your own daughter.Do not show them the court papers.Whether you agree or disagree with her, show her you heard her and will do as she wishes.Do not alienate the children from the other parent.
Having a difference of opinion is not disrespectful.